


and you thought i hated you

by all_forylee_the_game



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew's foster brothers go to pay him a visit but find Neil instead, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Neil gets sexually assaulted, Neil is his usual martyr-self, mentions of Andrew's past abuse, the assault is not graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_forylee_the_game/pseuds/all_forylee_the_game
Summary: Andrew's foster brothers decide to pay him a visit and find Neil instead. Neil is his usual martyr-self. Andrew gets a text halfway through his and Aaron's session with Bee and it doesn't take him five seconds to figure out that something is wrong relating to the death-magnet that is Neil Josten.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 31
Kudos: 265





	1. and i thought i had it up to here

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello!  
> so this fic happened yesterday and now here we are  
> characters (Jesse, Steven, Samuel) from Nora's extra content make an appearance and what Neil knows about them are also credited to Nora's extra content (though i did come up with the name that they call Andrew)  
> there is a character death but i think that you'll be pleased as to who it (possible they) is
> 
> TW: there are multiple references to Andrew's past abuse, there is an attempted rape/sexual assault but it is not graphic, canon-typical violence, explicit language. 
> 
> \-- 
> 
> there would be a second and possibly third chapter depending on if you all want it. there would be some awesome twinyard vibes, protective Andrew (shocker, i know), and some nice fluff at the end.  
> so if you like it, let me know! and if you want me to continue, let me know that also!  
> im out. hope you like it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title is inspired by the song 'Rock Bottom' by Eminem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello  
> and leave it up to me to accidentally delete this chapter :( that had 27 beautiful comments on it - if you wanted to repost them, feel free  
> i really apologize  
> anyway, this is my attempt at reposting chapter one
> 
> if you like it, let me know (again)  
> im out  
> hope you like it

Neil had just finished his usual afternoon run and was taking off his sneakers when his phone buzzed with a text from Andrew. 

_@ Bee. see u in an hour._

_\- ill be here_

Neil shrugged off his clothes and was in and out of the shower in minutes. After he finished he threw on a pair of sweatpants that he soon realized were Andrew’s because they weren’t only too short, but they also said ‘03 Minyard’ down the side. Neil kept them on as they were bright orange and Andrew never wore them anyway. He then put on the tv for some background noise and sat down to do his homework. 

It didn’t take him long to realize that something was wrong. Neil froze the second he heard something that surely wasn’t a key slip into the lock to his dorm. Neil silently bolted to the bedroom and put on his armbands then pulled a black sweatshirt over them. Neil had grown up with fear but he just wasn’t used to fear _there_.

Neil had the bedroom door closed and locked before he heard the front door open. He was just about to slide one of the windows up when he heard voices come from the other room. All of them were unfamiliar. 

“Where the hell is he?” a voice asked.

“This is his room,” another one said as Neil quietly slid the window open. 

“If he’s not here we can always try the other Minyard,” the third person said and Neil stopped moving and his panic skyrocketed. He wondered when his priorities had changed so much. He may not like Aaron yet Neil wasn’t letting anything happen to the Foxes.

Neil looked around the room and slid a history book off Kevin’s desk that landed on the floor with a bang. 

The three people in the other room went quiet and Neil knew that he had gotten their attention. He forced himself to stay calm as the bedroom door was clearly being lock-picked and he slid one of the knives into his hand. 

The door banged open seconds later and Neil was met with three guys staring him down. They closed in on Neil without wasting a second.

The first guy swung for him and Neil slashed his arm down the side as another person landed a punch across his face. Neil swung his back leg up and hit the one that wasn’t bleeding right in the gut. The third guy grabbed him in a headlock from behind and Neil used all of his power to flip him forward and onto his back. He loosened the grip on Neil enough that he managed to slip out. One of the other guys grabbed one of his arms while the other came at him with the butt of a gun and jammed it right on his nose. Neil was able to kick the gun out of the guy’s hand as he stuck the knife in the guy who was holding him. One guy then laced his fingers behind Neil’s neck and slammed his face into his waiting knee. Neil staggered back but was only met with the headlock-guy from before who then grabbed one of his wrists and twisted it backwards and between his shoulder blades. The other one kicked him in the back of Neil’s knees which sent Neil right to the ground. He punched Neil square on the face as he felt something metal click around his back wrist. 

_Fuck._

Neil tried to bite down against the panic that was threatening to pull him unconscious as the second cuff clicked around his other wrist. 

“Let’s go,” the guy said. “If you try to make any move to save yourself, people will die, it’ll be your friends, and it’ll be your fault.” 

Neil grunted his response as they shoved him out the door after checking to make sure the hallway was clear. He was only pushed down one flight of stairs, which surprised him considering that they had been on the third floor. They shoved Neil through another door that he had never used before. Neil heard a lock slide into place behind him as he realized that they were in the old, abandoned parking garage. Neil was then thrown back onto his knees. Exy practice was going to hurt if he ever made it out. 

“Neil, right?” one of the guys asked as he kneeled in front of Neil on the floor. Neil didn’t recognize him, which had to be a good sign? 

Neil grit his teeth and said nothing. 

“We’re looking for your friend Minyard,” he said. 

“Aaron?” Neil asked. He knew they didn’t want Aaron. The guy punched Neil across the face and that time he tasted blood. 

“Wrong one,” he said. “Andrew. Where is he?” Neil grimaced. 

“How the fuck would I know?” Neil asked. 

“I don’t know. It’s not like you live with him or anything,” the other one said from somewhere behind Neil. 

“I hate the guy,” Neil said. “I have no clue where he is.” 

“Phone,” the guy said to the person behind him. “Look for it.” Neil grit his teeth and the guy started to run his hands over his body, clearly wandering farther than he needed to. The guy touching Neil looked over at the other guy who just shrugged at his curious expression. 

“You really think I care?” he retorted to the look. The other guy got on his knees in front of Neil and started to run his hands under his sweatshirt and up his jagged torso. 

“You like this, Neil?” he whispered against Neil’s ear. Neil froze. It sounded too familiar.

“Get the fuck away from me,” Neil spat and the other just shook his head. The guy then slipped his fingertips under the waistband of his pants and Neil craned his head back and threw it forward against his nose. He could feel the guy’s blood hit his forehead and Neil couldn't help his smile nor did he regret it. The other guy stepped up to Neil, ignoring his partner on the floor. 

“Now. Where is your phone?” he asked. 

“I didn’t bring it, asshole,” Neil lied. 

He then yanked his head back by his hair as the other got up and punched him. Neil smiled. 

“What fucked you up?” the guy asked. The other one behind him then put a knife to his throat and slowly slid it across his collarbone. It wasn’t deep enough to need stitches but it was enough to flood his brain with panicked memories from Riko and his father. Neil’s breathing started to speed up. 

“Ah. Now I know how to get to you,” the guy said and dragged the knife until it hit the top of his sweatshirt. He had gone through worse yet it still felt like fire was slowly opening up against his chest. “Find the phone.” 

The other got up and traced his hands over Neil’s ass at least twice before pulling out the phone he had found minutes before. He then flipped it open and Neil mentally cursed. 

“Ah. Andrew will be back in thirty minutes. Imagine what we could do in that time?” he asked. 

“You can help us think up the best things to do to your friend,” the guy told Neil. 

“Why do you want him?” Neil asked, all venom in his voice. 

“I think Cass misses him. I just wanted to make our family whole again, even if we have one less. All the more reason to bring Andy home,” he said. Realization dawned on Neil. The flaming anger that tore through Neil would have burned down cities if he let it out. Fuck them. 

“What’s your name?” Neil asked. 

“Jesse.” Neil had heard that name once before. He heard it during Aaron’s trial when Andrew had to put everything that happened to him on display for a courtroom full of people. “That’s Samuel.” Neil was radiating anger. He was surprised they didn’t notice. Or maybe they did. “The person you killed upstairs was Steven.”

Neil’s head started ticking off what he knew about them. All three of them had raped Andrew; Jesse had choked him, Samuel had fucked with his head, Steven made him say please. Neil was fucking pleased that he had killed Steven. He wanted them all dead. Slowly, though, and in ways that would have made his father proud. 

Neil did know one thing: the only way they were getting to Andrew was over his fucking dead body.

Jesse looked down at him. 

“How close are you with our Andy?” he asked. _Our._ Neil bared his teeth.

“I already told you. I hate the guy,” Neil said. 

“Bullshit,” Samuel called out, looking up from the phone. “They text constantly.” Neil said nothing. 

“So they’re close,” Jesse said, turning to Samuel. “What if we play with him instead? He clearly wants to protect Andrew so wouldn’t that hurt Andy more?” Neil hated the sound of his voice with passion.

“See, we only have half an hour, though. What’s the fun in that?” Samuel asked. Neil grit his teeth. 

“Fine,” he said and he let his voice break a little. He knew he was screwing himself over but he thought it was justified. “Text him and say that I went for a run. It’ll buy you at least two hours.”

He really hoped that he would figure out a way to get out of that within the next minute, but really, it didn’t matter unless they got to Andrew and Neil was not going to let that happen.

Samuel looked to Jesse with complete intrigue. It made Neil sick. Jesse looked less on-board.

“I’m telling you the truth,” Neil said. “I’m a fucking athlete. I run like four times a day.” Jesse’s eyebrows went up and he typed a quick text into the phone then threw it in the far corner of the parking garage. _Shit._

“We’re also underground,” Jesse said. “It’s not like anyone would hear you scream.” Neil’s stomach bottomed out.

“Do you want to go first, or should I?” Samuel asked Jesse. 

“Go ahead. I’ll watch this one,” Jesse responded. 

Samuel got down in front Neil and left him cuffed as he looked at him. 

“If you hurt me it’ll break him,” Neil said.

“What if I break you first?” Samuel asked. 

“Go to fucking Hell,” Neil spat. 

“You stupid fucking idiot,” Samuel whispered against Neil’s shoulder. “At least you’ll enjoy it. I mean, Andy always did.” Hot rage enveloped him.

“If you touch me, I’ll kill you,” Neil said and Jesse laughed. 

“You stupid asshole. I know you fucking wanted this,” Samuel purred behind his ear. Neil bit his lip and thought about creating another identity just so he wouldn’t have to go through that as Neil Josten, though he didn’t have much time to think about it. Samuel pushed Neil’s sweatshirt over his head and to his cuffed hands. Neil fought the urge to scream as Samuel pushed him down and dragged his mouth over his torso.

-

The first red flag that something was wrong came when Andrew’s phone buzzed with a text halfway through his session with Bee and Aaron. Bee was pleased that they were both voicing their opinions but they were really just talking - or yelling, if you were Aaron, who was clearly pissed off- through Bee to get to each other. Andrew almost felt sorry for her. 

The second flag was that it was a text from Neil. Andrew never got texts from Neil during his sessions considering that he’s the fucking martyr that set them up. 

The third was the text itself. 

_Going on a run, Andy. ill be back in two hours._

What had him freeze in the middle of Aaron yelling at him was not that the stupid text said that Neil was going for another run. It was that Neil always called him Andrew or Drew on a few occasions but never that name. Fear, an emotion that Andrew dismissed whenever he started to feel it, laced through his entire body. 

Only one person ever called him that. He knew who it was. 

And that meant that Neil was with him. Andrew stilled. The thought was choking.

“Andrew?” Bee asked. “Are you ok?” 

No. 

No. 

Neil was not ok. 

Andrew sure as fuck was not ok. 

“No.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we meet again! (i think that's what i put last time) 
> 
> i hope you liked it (again)  
> chapter two is already up 
> 
> thank you for reading!


	2. rock bottom doesn't mean square one, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: a lot of violence (it is described yet not in more detail than how it was in chapter one), sexual assault but it is not graphic (visual appearance is described a lot more in this chapter than the last), choking, character death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello  
> here is chapter two  
> i wrote this chapter while listening to emotional music - so i apologize in advance ;)
> 
> if you like it, let me know  
> if you would like me to continue with a third chapter, let me know that also 
> 
> see you at the bottom

Andrew very rarely felt anything but three emotions. More than that was uncommon unless it was relating to a certain Exy junkie. So count on Neil Josten to make Andrew feel way too many emotions. 

Andrew wasn’t scared, no. He was fucking petrified. 

Andrew wasn’t mad. He could barely breathe through the anger clawing up his throat. 

All of that needed to wait. Andrew then did what he had done so well for years and pinned it all to the easiest emotion for him to feel. Anger. 

Andrew hadn’t minded being called a monster when the upperclassmen had labeled that name on him. He wanted to be feared and to hell with all of the assumptions that came with the name. Yet if there was ever a time in his life where he wanted to live up to every expectation that anyone had ever accused him of, that was it. 

“Aaron. We’re leaving,” Andrew said and he was already halfway to the door. 

“What the fuck?” Aaron asked and Andrew turned a look on him that would have frozen Hell with a simple side glance. Aaron didn’t argue and got up. 

“Bee,” Andrew called from the hallway, “trust me when I say that I will be back.” Andrew was sprinting. He was pulling out of the parking lot before Aaron closed his door and Andrew had no intentions of following the law on the ride to the dorm. 

“Andrew,” Aaron said. He sounded scared. Who wouldn’t be if something was able to scare the impenetrable wall that was Andrew Minyard? “What the fuck is wrong?” Andrew couldn’t unclench his jaw as he spoke. 

They had him. They had Neil. 

“They have Neil,” Andrew grited. 

“Who?” Aaron asked. Aaron knew about Drake, sure. Not everyone else. 

“People from my foster homes.” He could feel Aaron still next to him and Andrew doubted that it was because he just illegally turned off the street.

“Who are they?” Andrew’s jaw was literally in fucking pain. 

“All I know is that at least Jesse has him-” 

“What did they do?” 

“-and the others could be there.” 

“Andrew,” Aaron yelled. He almost seemed to be visibly shaking. “What did they do?” 

“What the hell do you think? They’re fucking rapists, Aaron,” Andrew yelled back and Aaron flinched. Andrew didn’t give a shit. He needed his junkie. Neil was his. Not theirs. 

“Ok,” Aaron breathed. Something stung behind Andrew’s eyes. 

“We need to get there in time,” Andrew said with a sharp look at Aaron to make sure he understood what he could be walking into. As much as Andrew wanted to protect Neil’s privacy, Andrew didn’t trust his mental state to get them through that on his own. If it wasn’t for his blinding anger, Andrew was sure that he would have spiraled by then.

Andrew cut someone off as he ripped the car into the parking lot of Fox Tower. They were out of the car in seconds and Andrew barely registered the yelling as Aaron gave the middle finger to the person they had almost hit. 

Andrew threw open the stairwell door and nearly ran into fucking Matt Boyd. Andrew slammed him into the wall. 

“Where is Neil?” Andrew asked. He knew that his tone was venomous and it didn’t help that Matt looked just as frightened as Andrew felt. 

_Fuck._

“I don’t know. I came to find you because I went to your room looking for Neil-” Matt started babbling. 

“Fuck, Matt. Just tell us what you know,” Aaron said in a rush of words. 

“There’s this dead guy in your room and one of your knives is in his neck,” Matt said and he almost seemed to be trembling. 

“What did he look like?” Andrew asked. 

“Um. He was older - at least 60? Gray hair. Tall.” Andrew fought to keep air moving into his lungs. Steven. Andrew hadn’t seen him since he was seven. 

He then shoved off Matt and started for the stairs when Aaron said his name. Andrew spun around and Aaron was staring vaguely at another door like he saw a fucking ghost. 

That’s when Andrew heard it. Choked sounds came from behind the door and Andrew had a feeling that the door wasn’t the only thing muffling the sounds. 

Andrew had always thought it was some sick joke to stick him with a perfect memory. A memory that could capture something that happened in milliseconds and make it last a lifetime. Andrew knew that busting through that door wouldn’t just be one time, like it would for Aaron or Boyd. Like how seeing Neil pressed down against the concrete with Jesse on top of him, positioned between his legs, would never leave his memory. That because of his cruel memory Andrew was able to almost feel Jesse’s hands pressed against his own throat in the same way that they were pressed against Neil’s. Like how he would forever have the option to see the tortured look on Neil’s face as he tried not to scream yet also get air at the same time. Nor would he forget the position of Jesse’s mouth as he kissed above the waistband of Neil’s pants that were no doubt lower than where they had been when Andrew left him. 

Fate was a bitch like that and Andrew didn’t even have the self-preservation to stop himself before he filed the whole scene away for later. 

What he didn’t need the perfect memory to capture was Aaron throwing himself on top of Jesse and tearing him off Neil. Andrew heard a footstep and turned to see the face that had whispered fucked up comments against his skin all those years ago. 

Andrew swung and it landed right across his face. Samuel might have been taller, but he wasn’t built like Andrew, nor was he as skilled in fighting. Andrew screwed up his face as much as he could in the three seconds it took for his next move to click into place. He didn’t pull out his knives yet for that specific reason. 

“Aaron move,” Andrew called and he saw Aaron immediately step back from Jesse as Andrew grabbed Samuel’s shoulders and threw him over Neil and into Jesse. They crashed with a few satisfying crunches before Andrew got right back to them. He didn’t want to give them any time to breathe. They didn’t deserve it. 

Aaron had his hands on Samuel then and punched him until he was still conscious but not enough to get up. 

“Oh Andy,” Samuel said, looking up at Aaron and Andrew froze. It was one thing to read the name and another to hear it. Then a whole other thing to hear it when it wasn’t in his own head. Aaron looked up to Andrew then back down at Samuel. “You look different with your clothes on.” Samuel smirked. 

Aaron took the boot of his shoe and crushed it right in Samuel’s face. Then again. And again. Then in his ribs. 

Andrew was then slammed to the ground and Jesse got his hands in his usual position around his neck. _Full fucking cirlce._ Andrew kneed him between his legs but it wasn’t enough to get him off. He clawed at Jesse’s hands until he could see dots start to cover the edges of his vision while Jesse pressed further.

“I really missed you,” Jesse whispered. 

“You’re so fucked,” Andrew rasped and the self-destructive part of himself allowed him a few seconds to enjoy the confused look that crossed Jesse’s face. Andrew then unsheathed a knife and missed Jesse’s head due to the lack of oxygen but got it fully embedded in one of his arms. Jesse looked shocked as Andrew kicked him off before curling against the concrete to try and get oxygen into his lungs. 

He saw a blurry figure with black hair walking towards Neil. 

“Boyd. Don’t touch him,” Andrew said with as much ferocity that he could manage at the moment. “Don’t.” Andrew winced.

“Andrew,” Aaron yelled but Boyd was quicker. He ran up behind Andrew and delivered what was no doubt a punch that he had learned from his mom right into Jesse’s diaphragm. Andrew coughed some blood on the floor before pushing up to his feet with scere force of will. 

He saw Aaron walking over to him and Andrew shook his head. 

“Neil,” he said. “I’ll live. Get to Neil.” 

Andrew hadn’t realized how close to losing consciousness he had been when Jesse was choking him until he nearly collapsed after he stood up. He watched as Aaron crouched next to Neil, who had gotten to his knees, and was listing off symptoms. 

“Headache? Dizziness? Can you look at me? I need to check for a concussion,” Aaron said. 

“I’m fine. Go fucking check on Andrew,” Neil said as pulled against the restraints. Andrew then let out an exhale as he remembered not seeing Neil’s pants fully pulled down when he had bust in. He finally made it to stand in front of Neil. 

“Who put the cuffs on?” Andrew asked because he knew that out of everything, those cuffs were no doubt bringing back memories of Riko and Lola. He could tell that Neil was having a hard time keeping his mind under control by the way that Neil kept rolling his shoulders and lightly shaking his head like he was trying to forget a memory. 

“Brown hair. I think Jesse,” Neil said. He stared off at the wall, his breath coming in short bursts, as he continued to struggle with the cuffs. 

“Boyd,” Andrew called without turning around. “Find the keys for hand-cuffs.” 

Andrew grit his teeth as Neil tried to take a normal breath. He was failing. 

“Andrew,” Neil whispered. “I need help.” Andrew hated looking at him; hated the fact that Neil had never asked Andrew for anything. He hated how scared Neil sounded. He hated the people in the world. He hated Neil. 

“I’m not touching you when you’re cuffed, Neil,” Andrew said. He didn’t want to say it but he knew that he had to. 

“I trust you, Andrew,” Neil said. It hurt to look at him. 

“It’s not a matter of that. It’s too similar.” 

“I trust you,” Neil said again. “You’re not like them if I tell you yes.” Andrew grit his teeth and paused for a few seconds as Neil’s breathing was on the edge of hyperventilating. 

“Yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Neil responded immediately and Andrew dropped to his knees and put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck. 

“Yes, Neil,” Andrew said without him asking. He then pulled Neil’s head to his shoulder and wrapped his arms around his back. Andrew felt him instantly relax into him. Neil let out shaky breaths against Andrew’s neck, but at least they weren’t coming in bursts anymore. “I’m here. You’re at PSU. Your name is Neil Abram Josten and I have you.” Andrew felt Neil’s breathing slow against his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” Neil said. Fuck him. Fuck him for saying that when Andrew was clearly not the person that they needed to worry about yet. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew snapped and Neil chuckeled against him and pulled away. Andrew sucked in a breath to try and clear the dots that were still around his vision. He ignored the concerned look that Aaron shot him. 

Neil’s head then snapped up and Neil’s eyes locked eyes with him. Andrew knew that exact image would stick with him forever. Neil’s disheveled hair, the bruises that were already forming on his neck, a cut running across his collar and chest, his sweatshirt pushed off and against his bleeding hands.

Andrew knew how cruel life could be, he knew how cruel his own mind could be, but he never thought that it would reach that point. He should have fucking known.

And he was making sure that both of them were dead before he even thought about leaving. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello again!  
> i hope i didn't completely rip your heart out with this  
> if you liked it, let me know  
> if you would like a third chapter, let me know  
> thank you for reading!


	3. hate is underrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: referenced sexual assault, descriptions of wounds/violence, referenced violence, mentions Andrew's past abuse, mentions Neil's past abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello!  
> here is the third and final chapter of this fic  
> there is a hell of a lot of angst and fluff  
> i hope you like it
> 
> my apologies that this took longer than the other updates  
> yet it is twice as long as the other chapters 
> 
> see you at the bottom

Neil rolled his shoulders a few more times before Matt made his way over with the keys. Neil didn’t dare to look up at him; he didn’t think that he would be able to handle the amount of emotion that was no doubt plastered across his face. 

Andrew grabbed the keys and looked at Neil before he moved. Neil nodded and Andrew reached behind him, not touching him once, and unlocked the cuffs. A heavy exhale escaped Neil’s mouth that he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. Neil then quickly pulled his sweatshirt back on and was relieved that the fabric hid his wince. 

Though when he finished pulling it over his head, Andrew was looking at him with something like fear and bone-deep understanding behind his eyes. 

Neil was in pain and they hadn't even done what they did to Andrew. 

The thought had rage crawling through him. Yet out of everything that had happened, Neil was fucking scared that Andrew would bolt. That every time Andrew looked at Neil he would see Jesse and Samuel. Or worse, Neil would just be a constant reminder of everything that had happened to Andrew. There wasn’t a word that could describe how scared he was. 

Andrew then stood up and held out a hand to Neil. It wasn’t demanding, only offering. Neil allowed himself to be hauled up. 

“Can you make it up to the room on your own?” Andrew asked. Neil didn’t have to wonder what Andrew was going to do instead. The two guys hadn’t moved yet, but Neil wanted Andrew to deliver everything they deserved. 

“I can help you,” Matt said and Andrew shot him a sharp look. Neil was too tired to hide his slight tense. No one noticed except for Andrew. “If you want,” Matt quickly added. 

“I’m fine,” Neil said. “There’s a railing.” 

Andrew walked with Neil to the stairwell and watched as he slowly made his way up the first flight. He didn’t leave until Neil passed him a hard and what he hoped was an assured look. Andrew nodded and walked back to the garage. 

There was no question that Neil was in fucking pain. He practically pulled himself up to the third floor and was breathing heavy by the time he got there. 

He had his hand on the door to his dorm when he suddenly remembered that Steven was dead and on the floor. The thought of trying to move him made Neil feel sick yet not as sick as the thought of Andrew having to see him. Neil let himself lightly slide into his mother’s son as he mindlessly got the body out of the room and into the dumpster against the back wall of the building. It was in the middle of classes so there were barely any people around and if anyone had noticed, they chose not to say anything. Neil decided that he would deal with disposing of the body later. He just needed it out of the room. 

After he locked the door behind him, Neil flopped down on Andrew’s bunk because it was the closest, winced, then got back up. Neil chugged some water as he threw his sweatshirt on the floor and went to the bathroom. 

He got to work quickly and tried not to think too much as he disinfected his bleeding hands and focused solely on the sting. Neil had been pressed against the concrete with his hands behind his back and another person’s weight on top of him. He knew that his hands would need some sort of rehab but was relieved when they seemed to move normally and without too much pain. Then he moved to the next easiest thing to address which was the wound running across his collar and chest. Most of the bleeding had dried up by then so he didn’t have to do anything but clean it. 

Neil didn’t know what to do with everything else. With the red spots dotting his torso and the bruises traveling the length of his neck. Neil could do homemade stitches, assess a concussion, and clean a stab wound and be moving again all in five minutes. His mom had clearly left sexual-assault-care-101 out of her lessons. 

Tracing his eyes across the mirror, Neil was curious as to why he didn’t think he would look bad. Probably because that specific type of torture was very different than what he was used to. 

_Holy fuck_. That was a sickening thought. 

Neil knew that someone couldn’t look at him and know what happened, but Andrew would be able to. He would be able to tell exactly what had happened and could fucking _relate_ to it. Putting him through that was one of the last things Neil wanted to do; right above leaving him but just below hurting him.

He was then distracted by a hell of a lot of pain coming from his back. Neil had figured that his back would hurt yet not in the way that it was. He then turned around, looking in the mirror, and realized that his entire back was scraped up from the concrete. 

On the run, back injuries had always been something that his mom took care of for him or vice versa. How could he get to- 

Neil was then snapped out of his planning by the sound of the front door opening. 

“Don’t say anything,” Neil heard Andrew’s voice say before the front door then slammed closed. Andrew’s footsteps traveled to the bedroom, back tracked, and stopped in front of the closed bathroom door. 

“Neil,” Andrew said and Neil closed his eyes against everything he was feeling. It was too fucking much _._

“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Neil,” Andrew said, firmer this time. Neil doesn’t remember the last time that he _wanted_ to cry. He fucking wanted Andrew. 

“Just give me a second,” Neil said instead. 

“ _Neil_.” Andrew’s voice broke a little and if anything out of that day was going to shatter Neil, it was that. He didn’t answer. “Yes or no?” 

“Yes.” Neil mentally cursed himself. Fucking instincts. Andrew then threw open the door and closed it with his foot. He took in Neil’s appearance with a blank face. 

“Turn around,” Andrew said and Neil complied. Andrew then got to work with hydrogen peroxide and dabbing gauze against his back. It wasn’t as light as he was sure Matt or Renee would have done it, but it was light for what Neil had expected. 

“I get it if you don’t want to do this anymore,” Neil said. Well, moreso whispered, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He could feel Andrew tense behind him. 

“Is that what you think.” Andrew didn’t say it as a question nor did he say it camly. Neil just shrugged and turned back around, looking at the door behind Andrew’s head. “Neil.” Neil looked at him. Fuck him. “That is not the concern here.” 

“Yeah, but-” 

“But I wasn’t the one who was fucking sexually assaulted, was I?” Andrew’s voice was harsh and Neil just passed him a flat look. _No, Andrew, you had been raped_ , was what Neil didn’t need to say. _By the same fucking people._ The look said it all. 

Andrew scowled and leaned in close to Neil. He waited for the impulse to pull away yet was almost surprised when it never came. It was Andrew, after all. 

“The concern is you, Neil. Do you really want to continue this?” Andrew’s tone was threatening. Andrew backed him against the wall and trapped him between his arms. Neil knew what he was doing. He wanted Neil to be scared of him. “Do you really think that you’ll be able to handle this?” 

“There’s a difference,” Neil said. “You wouldn’t hurt me.” 

“No, maybe not,” Andrew said. “They did that for me.” Neil could tell that Andrew was watching him for a reaction. Neil involuntarily flinched. “Tell me ‘no’, Neil. Tell me that I can’t have this. Tell me that you’re out.” 

“I don’t want to lose this,” Neil said angrily. 

“You don’t _want_ to. But what will actually happen?” Neil wasn’t worried about himself. 

“No, Andrew,” Neil said and Andrew was back and off of him in seconds. Neil looked at where he was then against the door. “You are the only fucking reason that I’m not falling off the face of the Earth right now. Am I in pain? Yes. Am I worried about my hands? Sure. Does my back hurt? Uh-huh. Does any of that really matter? No.” Neil let his words sink in. “Am I concerned that every time you look at me you’ll see everything that has ever happened to you? More than my life, Andrew. More than my fucking life.” 

Andrew said nothing. 

“But if you leave this, it is going to be because of you, not because of me. We have always said ‘yes or no’ before, so there is no reason for that to change now. I still want you, Andrew. The way I see it, this is no different,” Neil said and he watched Andrew work his jaw for a few minutes. 

“That’s not how you see it,” Andrew responded. “Not from where I’m standing.” It was a fact, a statement. 

“Well, move then,” Neil said. Something shifted behind his eyes. Andrew raised an eyebrow and slowly walked back towards Neil.

“If you haven't noticed by now, Neil, I clearly don’t want what’s good for me,” Andrew said and Neil couldn’t help but smile. Andrew rolled his eyes. “Idiot.” 

“Weren’t you the one who just said that you don’t want what’s good for you?” Neil asked. 

“Shut up,” Andrew said. Neil waited as Andrew looked at him. They were in no rush. 

He didn’t think that anyone besides himself would have noticed the slight shift in his expression. A look Neil had learned that Andrew only wore with him. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked. 

“Yes,” Neil said. 

“It’s a yes until it’s a no,” Andrew reminded him and looked intently at Neil. 

“And I’m saying yes right now,” Neil said and Andrew’s mouth was on his. The world sped up and was on fire at that exact point in time. Neil didn’t tense. With Andrew came protection and safety. Neil had always associated that with him and it didn’t change one bit. Andrew grabbed Neil’s hands and put them in his hair which Neil complied to easily. Neil exhaled into Andrew’s mouth as his hands traveled up Neil’s arms and down his chest. He didn’t miss how lightly Andrew was touching him, probably gauging his response as well as making sure that he didn’t hurt him. 

They eventually broke apart, both breathless, and Neil smiled at Andrew. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Andrew said and Neil turned the look on the door, not being able to wipe it from his face. “Sweatshirt and sweatpants, or shirt and shorts?” 

“Shirt and sweatpants,” Neil responded. Andrew left and then came back a few minutes later with the clothes. Neil went to shrug on the shirt but Andrew passed him a questioning look. “You want to dress me too?” Neil asked and smirked at his eye roll. Neil was actually thankful that he barely needed to do work as Andrew slipped the shirt over his head. He lightly changed Neil out of the jeans that he was wearing and got the sweatpants on. 

“Bed or movie?” Andrew asked. The thought about closing his eyes wasn’t very enticing at the moment. 

“Movie,” Neil said. They walked to the living room and Andrew put on a movie called ‘The Proposal’ that Neil had never seen and sat onto the couch. Andrew took the corner like usual and Neil sat on the opposite end. 

Halfway through the movie, Neil started to lose consciousness and woke up seconds later. His self-preservation was clearly at work. 

Andrew looked over at him. 

“Lay with me. Yes or no?” Andrew asked. Neil had gotten used to sleeping with Andrew. It had taken a lot of time and Andrew still tensed when he woke up, but they had eventually found their rhythm for most nights. 

“Yes,” Neil said. Andrew slowly reached out to him, waiting for Neil to flinch or bolt, and when he didn’t, Andrew grabbed his hips and pulled him between his legs. Neil relaxed against Andrew’s chest in seconds. Andrew took one arm and wrapped it around Neil’s front to pull him closer but Neil rested his own arm over it when he went to pull away. 

“Hair. Yes or no?” Andrew asked. 

“Yes,” Neil said. Andrew was asking more specifically than they had been used to, but if confirming what Andrew wanted to do was something that would make them both feel more secure, Neil didn’t have a problem with it. 

Andrew then carded his other hand through Neil’s hair and let his chin rest on top of his head. 

Neil then scratched his neck and immediately winced due to the forgotten bruises. Andrew foze. 

“I’m fine,” Neil said. 

“Neil,” Andrew said. 

“I hit my neck. It was nothing you did.”

Andrew slowly relaxed again with his hand picking up a familiar rhythm. Neil started to trace his fingers over Andrew’s hand and could practically feel Andrew’s eyeroll. Neil’s eyes started to drop again during what he assumed was the end of the movie. 

“I love you,” Neil whispered as he started to fall asleep. Andrew said nothing, and it might have been the sleep or the Benadryl that Andrew had told him to take earlier, but Neil thought that he heard something. 

“Love you too, Junkie,” Andrew mumbled against Neil’s hair just as he lost consciousness.

-

Aaron made his way to Andrew’s room around midnight. Andrew had made it very clear that he wanted Aaron to check up on Neil and make sure that he didn’t need to go to the hospital. It was late, but he had wanted to give them some time alone. 

Don’t ask him the fuck why. That would imply that he had to think about _why_ he did it and he didn’t want to fucking do that. 

He also didn’t want to spend another minute in the room with Nicky and his stupid questions after Matt had come in looking like he had been sucker punched. He probably was. 

Aaron made a point of keeping his mind blank as he fiddled with his key ring once he reached Andrew’s door, stopped, then decided to knock first. 

And, no, he was not going to fucking think about that either. Thanks for asking. 

When he didn’t hear a response except for the quiet hum of the tv in the background, Aaron used his key and threw the door open. After he looked up, he reached out and barely caught the door before it would have hit the wall with a crash. 

Again. Not fucking spending his time thinking about why. 

Josten and Andrew were on the couch. Not sexually - thank you very much, for bringing that up - but just together. Josten was laying, fucking asleep mind you, between Andrew’s legs with his head against Andrew’s chest. Andrew had one arm around Neil and Neil’s own arm was _on top of it._ Then - because why the fuck not - Andrew had one of his hands through Josten’s stupid, red hair. 

Andrew looked...soft? There even might have been a slight smile on his lips. Let’s play that off to a tick of the lights, ok? Aaron had never seen him like that. And with fucking Josten of all the other idiots in the world. Yet when Aaron locked eyes with Andrew, he almost, almost, looked content? To see him? Those fucking lights. What was up with them? 

Aaron contemplated the merits of just turning around and leaving but he decided to hold Andrew’s look for a few more seconds to see if he would say anything. 

“Morning,” Andrew said. Despite how different he looked, his gaze was still the firm and threatening thing that it had always been. 

“Ok,” Aaron responded and turned to leave. 

“Aaron,” Andrew said and he turned back around, meeting his eyes. “Thank you.” Andrew’s voice sounded strong and almost defiant. Aaron didn’t immediately ignore the feeling in his chest. Aaron nodded.

“Always,” Aaron said and waited a minute to make sure Andrew actually got why he said it. It was true.

He then resumed ignoring the way that Josten almost seemed to curl further against Andrew after he tightened his arm around him. Fucking weird. 

“You two are fucking gross,” Aaron said as he pulled the door back open. 

“As if your mouth plastered on your cheerleader is any better,” Andrew responded and Aaron shook his head as he pulled the door closed. 

He completely did not fuckng think about how the way Andrew was looking at Neil was oddly similar to how he looked at Katelyn. Nor the fact that he and Katelyn had sat on her couch like that not only last week. 

Whatever his brother and Josten had sure as fuck still wigged him out, yet he let himself think for one second that maybe it wasn’t _completely_ different than what he understood. 

His brain needed to fucking be quiet.

-

Andrew woke up, tensed, and relaxed all within the span of three seconds. Neil had been completely passed out last night, likely due to the drugs. After Aaron came in, Andrew had picked Neil up and moved him to the bedroom and he didn’t even stir. On any other night where what happened hadn’t, Andrew would have been concerned. 

Andrew knew that Neil was naturally a very still sleeper due to reasons that made Andrew want to raise Mary Hatford from the dead with the sole purpose of killing her again. So Andrew got the pleasure of watching Neil for a few minutes while he slept. His hair was utterly messed up and he didn’t have any right to make it look that attractive. He also did not have the right to make Andrew’s heart speed up as Neil’s eyes opened. That damn fucking blue. Fuck him. 

They looked at each other for a few minutes in comfortable silence. 

“How are you feeling?” Andrew eventually asked once he needed something to distract himself from those emotions that Neil always made him feel.

“Throat hurts,” Neil responded and that familiar rage burned through Andrew again. At least the two were both dead and it hadn’t been slow. Andrew realized how manic that sounded but he didn’t really give a shit. 

“You are going to Aaron today,” Andrew said and Neil immediately frowned. “It’s either him or Abby. Take your pick.” 

Neil said nothing and just narrowed his eyes at Andrew. 

“Yes or no?” Neil asked. 

“Yes if you’ll see Aaron,” Andrew responded. 

Neil rolled his eyes and leaned in for a kiss. It was slow and on fire at the same time. Andrew could never picture leaving _this_ and figured that Neil was even more of a dumbass for thinking he could. He pulled Neil’s lower lip between his when he went to pull away. Neil smiled. 

“You want water?” Neil asked and Andrew nodded. He watched as Neil rolled out of bed and faintly limped on his way to the kitchen. Andrew then looked over and realized that Kevin wasn’t in his bed. He quickly grabbed his phone and saw a text from Matt saying that Kevin was spending the night in their dorm. Boyd might be useful for some things. Andrew texted back a message that anyone who knew him should take as gratitude.

Andrew then went into the kitchen and saw Neil filling two glasses. He purposely made noise as he walked to make sure Neil knew that he was there. Neil didn’t turn around but Andrew saw him relax a little. 

Andrew slowly made his way to Neil and lightly wrapped his arms around his waist so he could pull away if he needed to. When Neil didn’t, Andrew then leaned against his back and rested his head above his shoulder blades. Neil leaned into the contact and didn’t move, simply placed the glasses to the side. They stayed like that for a few minutes and Andrew would have been content to fall back asleep right there. 

Eventually, Neil slowly turned around and Andrew didn’t move. Neil raised an eyebrow in silent question and Andrew nodded. 

Neil kissed Andrew and he opened his mouth to him easily. Andrew then picked Neil up and placed him on the counter behind him. Andrew had to reach up further for Neil’s mouth but he didn’t complain from his spot between Neil’s legs. They pulled away some unmeasured time later, and Neil looked at Andrew with _that look_. The look that Andrew had come to hate so much. 

“Stop it,” Andrew said and Neil just smiled _that smile_. The smile that made Andrew feel wanted and he was sure that Neil knew exactly what it did to him. “153%, Josten.”

It did very little to wipe the smile off his face and a part of Andrew wasn’t mad that it didn’t. 

“Are you in pain?” Andrew asked. Neil shook his head and Andrew passed him an unimpressed look. 

“Fine. A little. But kissing you makes it better,” Neil responded. 

“Junkie,” Andrew mumbled on his way to the bathroom and returned with a bottle of aspirin. Neil took two and looked back at Andrew as he started the coffee. “What.” 

“You take care of me,” Neil said and Andrew could practically fucking hear the smrik in his voice. “You like me.” Andrew grumbled a response. “Actually, I think I remember you saying that you love me.” 

Neil had to have known that he was playing with fire. 

“I hate you,” Andrew immediately responded. 

“I know you do,” Neil said and Andrew threaded his fingers through Neil’s on top of the counter before he continued making the coffee. 

“Shut up,” Andrew said and Neil made a failed attempt at hiding his smile against the back of Andrew’s hand. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and hi hello again!  
> i hoped you enjoyed this fic - i have read the extra content but i still picture Andrew and Neil saying 'i love you' even if they say 'i hate you' more often. 'same difference' has never applied so much as it does now.
> 
> thank you so much for reading and i hope you liked it :) 
> 
> it is very likely that i will write more andreil
> 
> im out  
> thanks again!


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